Out Of Control

Lately I have been feeling like everything in my life is out of control. I'm fighting with my hubby alot over stupid little things (just to gain some control, I guess). I feel like my kids walk all over me and I'm just giving in because I'm so overwhelmed with everything else I'm dealing with. My house is a disaster. I am struggling to keep up with my housework...My laundry is totally out of hand. It will take me a long time to get caught up on that.

But probably the thing that is bugging me most, though, is my eating. I'm not being awful, and I am maintaining my weight, but it is a weight that I am not happy at. I weigh more now than I did when I got pregnant with Lexi (by about 23 pounds) and am only 5 pounds shy of where I was when I got pregnant with Addy. I am really stuggling to gain control and get and stay motivated. And honestly, I cannot even remember the last time I got any exercise intentionally (meaning other than chasing after kids, walking to the store, etc). I worked so hard after Addy was born and all that work has basically gone down the drain because I am pretty much where I started from. And now I don't have the breastfeeding to help me along the way.

Jamie and I really want to have another baby in the near future, but at this point, it's just not feasible. I feel like I need to get caught up around here and regain my control before I can add being pregnant and having another baby to the mix. And with my history of high blood pressure during my pregnancies, it is really important to me that I lose some weight before getting pregnant so that I can set myself up to have the healthiest pregnancy possible. Losing that 25-30 pounds after Addy was born made a huge difference in how I felt in my first pregnancy compared to my second.

So I have some goals, and not just in nutrition and fitness. I need to buckle down and get my work done. I am always distracted by the computer, and now my blackberry. I want to be able to get all my work done in a day, or at least enough that when I get into bed at the end of the day that I'm not stressing out and losing sleep over all the stuff I didn't get done.

I want to utilize my time better so that I can get that work done, but also spend some quality time with my girls. I realized last night how long it has been since I have had any really significant one-on-one time with each of them. And I feel like part of the reason they are acting out so much lately is because I am always so stressed and busy that they aren't getting the attention that they need.

I just feel like a chicken with its head cut off. I am running around and doing all this work, but I never seem to get one thing finished and nothing really gets accomplished. When someone walks into my house I don't want to be saying "Excuse the mess, it's hard to keep up with 2 toddlers," I want them to be saying "How do you have 2 toddlers and still keep up?" And I am definitely not there.

I am also sleeping really badly again. I'm up late because I'm stressing about everything, and then I sleep in too late and waste a bunch of time. It's lunchtime by the time the girls and I are dressed and ready for the day. My kids sleep in until 10-11am, I should be falling asleep at a decent hour, getting up early and getting 2-3 hours of work done before they wake up.

So if I am making an actual list of goals, I guess these are them:

1. Utilize my time better. Make it a priority to get my chores done and to keep caught up with it.

2. Catch up on my laundry and stay on top of it once I get there.

3. Make time each day to spend quality time with the girls, including one-on-one time as often as possible.

4. Get and stay motivated to eat healthy. Utilize spark people to track my food/water intake. Find the time to exercise even if all I do is put the kids in the stroller and go for a walk (aim for at least 3 times a week) and track that too. And drink lots of water!

5. Set and achieve small weight loss goals until I get to a point where I feel I am ready for pregnancy.

6. Create healthy sleep habits.

If anyone has any pointers to help me out, or just words of encouragement, I could use all the help I can get! LOL